break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
