You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
