why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
