you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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