Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
