Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
