pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
