i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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