Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
