Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
