Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
