i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
