just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no you cant smoke seaweed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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