i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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