Where did you get a picture of my penis
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Vodka?
Forever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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