Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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