My hand turned me down
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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