She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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