This is not my ceiling
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
