i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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