I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
