Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
