you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
