Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
