is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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