he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
