Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
