I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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