My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
