my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
