Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
