The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
