ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
