bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His nipple licking is glorious
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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