I need to stop coming to work sober
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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