My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
