You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He? As in you personified your dick?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
