Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
