she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
