You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
