thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
