Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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