Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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