They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
