So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
