I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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