And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She announced her abortion via fbk
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I could fuck to npr.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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