he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
