After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
