I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
