when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
